A Retirement Community For Children

My uncle has Parkinson's, and he has recently moved from Chicago to here to live in an assisted living facility near where his sister (my aunt) and her husband live. (And near where I live!) I've been spending a lot of time over there helping with his transition. Last night I went to a musical performance with him at the facility, then to dinner, and then to an activity where people were making s'mores. My uncle is used to spending most of his time alone in his house, and he isn't always enthusiastic about going to activities, but he can usually be convinced to try things out. There are lots of different things offered, so the chances of at least one activity a day that he might like are pretty high.

Someone asked me if hanging out with my uncle is harder or easier than working with kids. Although my real calling is working with kids, I realized that hanging out with my uncles was probably less stressful. The main reason, I explained to the person who was asking, was that I didn't have to deal with behavioral issues or try to force anyone to do anything they didn't want to do. In a school setting, I spend about 50% of my time trying to force reluctant kids to do mundane lessons. (Even though I try to plan engaging learning activities, the required curriculum is usually pretty dry and uninspiring... but in a public school setting, the expectation is that I will make each student do what they are told to do.)

Imagine if this was happening to my uncle. Hopefully most people who work with senior citizens feel that, even though some of the people may have diminished cognitive abilities due to things like Parkinson's or just regular aging, they are still adults and should be treated with as much dignity as possible. So imagine if this scenario had gone on between my uncle and I.

Me: "Uncle Don, please line up at the door. We are going to go make S'mores."

Uncle: "I don't really want to make S'mores."

Me: "I hear you talking. We are not leaving until you are quietly standing by the door."

Uncle: "But I don't want leave."

Me: "This is a warning. Remember, you're trying to earn a beer at the end of the day. Are you earning your beer?"

Uncle: (quietly goes to door.)

A few moments later...

Me: "Okay, Uncle Don, what you need to do is stick your marshmallow at the end of this stick."

Uncle: "I don't like S'mores."

Me: "You don't have to eat it but you do need to follow directions. Not like that. Like this. Pay attention. Okay, now put your marshmallow over the fire. Keep it in the fire. Oh, it's on fire! That's another warning! Fire is dangerous!"

Uncle: "It was an accident."

Me: "That's why you have to pay attention and follow directions. Alright, here is your chocolate and graham cracker. Please make your S'more look just like mine." 

Uncle: "Why do I have to do this?"

Me: "That's it! You are not getting your beer today!" 


Of course, that scenario is ridiculous. Here is what really happened.

Me: "They're making S'mores on the second floor patio. Do you want to make S'mores?"

Uncle: "Not really."

Me: "I think I want to try one. Is it okay if we go over there for a while so I can make one?"

Uncle: "Sure"

Moments later...

Me: "Do you want to make one?"

Uncle: "No, thank you."

Me: "I'm making one. Oops, my marshmallow is on fire! It's charbroiled! Now I'll add the graham cracker and chocolate. Look at this! Do you want to try one?"

Uncle: "Sure!" (Eats my S'mores while I make a new one.) 

In this scenario, my uncle, who is reluctant to try new activities, went with me to a new activity, interacted with some random people, enjoyed watching me ignite a marshmallow on a stick, and tried a  S'mores. He made some progress at his "goal" of  socializing at the assisted living facility and trying activities, and he did it with his dignity and sense of control in one piece. I was relaxed and happy because I got to do something I wanted to do (Make a S'mores and take my uncle to do an activity) and I didn't have to force anyone else to do anything they didn't want to do.

Then I thought to myself, "This is what my school will be like." There can be activities and learning experiences going on all over the place, some structured and some spontaneous. The students are free to choose what they participate in, and how. Instead of looking around and seeing teachers, at their wit's ends, who are under pressure to get them to make progress in very specific curriculum goals, they look around and see calm, happy adults participating in their own learning activities and supporting students in their goals.

So why can't school be like a retirement community for children?