Climbing the Wall of Awful

I was recently listening to the Being Unnormal Podcast. It is a podcast where a different type of "unnormal" is highlighted in each episode, to help people learn about various issues and situations, and to allow people to see the world through someone else's eyes. If you haven't listened to it before, you should check it out. Anyways, I listened to the ADHD episode, in which ADHD coach Brendan Mahan, of ADHD Essentials, talks with the podcast creator.

One of the things he talks about in the episode is the "Wall of Awful." While you may not have heard this term before, many people, especially those with ADHD, are likely to relate to it. The Wall of Awful is an emotional wall that is built little by little, every time you fail at something. Here is an example some adults may have experienced. You decide you are going to join a gym and start exercising. But each day, you procrastinate and don't go. Then, you feel guilty and defeated because you haven't gone to the gym yet. Because you feel so awful about it, you don't feel like you will go the next day or the next day. You continue not going to the gym. Soon going to the gym feels like a huge hurdle that you will never manage to get over.

Children and adults feel like this a lot of the time. Often, instead of failing at something because they procrastinated, they fail at something because they didn't have the executive functioning skills to accomplish it. So their feeling of awfulness becomes very personal to them. Others may contribute to this feeling of despair by telling the child or adult that they are just lazy or stubborn, or by punishing them for it.

(Brendan Mehan mentions something he sometimes does when he talks to groups about ADHD. He has asthma, and sometimes needs to use his inhaler. When he does, he apologizes to the group for being too lazy and unmotivated to breathe. This always makes everyone laugh, because of course his asthma is not a result of his being lazy or unmotivated. Yet, that is how many people view those with ADHD.)

Everyone can climb their Wall of Awful. But it is not a matter of just standing up and doing it. Getting started can be the hardest part. Demanding that the person get started right now, getting angry at them, or beginning to take away privileges when a child does not begin in a timely manner, is likely to have the opposite result and cause the person to be more stuck than ever at the bottom of the wall.  Often, what we need is a boost to get started.

Mehan explains how he sometimes helps his children to get over their Walls of Awful homework assignments. He agrees to do one part of the homework assignment for them. He does not do the learning part for them, but he may do some of the work for them. If the child is supposed to write spelling sentences, he might have them dictate the sentence and the spelling while he writes it for them. This gets the child over the Wall of Awful. They build up their confidence by seeing that they can climb that Wall of Awful... they can come up with spelling sentences, and they can figure out how to spell the words.

After a few times of writing the sentences that the child dictates, the parent might agree to write all of the sentence dictated by the child, except for the actual spelling word. So the child climbs the Wall of Awful again, this time with a little less help, and learns how to do it.

Eventually, the parent may agree to help with every other sentence. And soon, the child is scampering over their Wall of Awful on their own.

Some parents and teachers are very reluctant to help children with their work. They feel that the child should be doing all of the work on their own, or that the child may be manipulating the adult in order to get out of doing work that they are capable of doing. It is important for parents and teachers to see that they are supporting a child and helping them to gain the strength and skills to get over their Wall of Awful on their own.

What is your Wall of Awful? What help do you need in order to get over it?

3 Models of Schools For ADHD

Traditional classrooms can be very difficult for children with ADHD to navigate. In the traditional classroom, children are expected to stay seated and be quiet, except for when given permission by a teacher to move around or speak. Children who are enthusiastic about a subject may get in trouble for blurting out questions and answers, rather than raising their hand and waiting calmly to be called on. On the other hand, children who are bored with a subject or activity will daydream or get out of their seat, attempding to keep their minds and bodies stimulated. Those with ADHD often learn best when they are moving, so a child who is thinking hard may get up and pace around... a big "behavior concern" in a traditional classroom. This is why kids with ADHD often get labeled as having behavioral challenges, and may spend a lot of time being redirected or scolded in the classroom.

Parents may find themselves looking for an ADHD school for their child. However, there are not many schools geared specifically towards kids with ADHD. Another option is to look for ADHD-friendly models of schools. Families looking for an ADHD school near Vancouver, WA can turn to our school, Someday School. For families living in other areas, here are some ideas for ADHD-friendly schools.

Montessori Schools -  Like Someday School, Montessori schools focus on child-led learning and hands-on experience. Classrooms usually consist of children of various ages. They use a system known as "freedom within limits," in which the teachers set out activity options for children to choose from. While a child at Someday School may choose an option provided by the teachers or come up with their own activities, kids in a Montessori School generally do something provided by the teacher. For children with ADHD, choosing to work on something that interests them strongly makes it more likely that they will be able to focus and stay engaged. Most Montessori Schools are for children ages 6 and under.

Waldorf Schools - Waldorf Schools put a lot of emphasis on art, music, gardening, and foreign languages. Children learn to write before they learn how to read, by exploring the structure of letters of the alphabet. Lessons are teacher-led, and children spend two to three hours a day on each academic block. When a child is very active or has trouble paying attention, a Waldorf teacher may handle it by leading them to a calming activity. Children who deal well with firm structure, calmness, and a steady rhythm of the day may benefit from a Waldorf school.

Reggio-Emilia Schools - There are many similarities between Reggio-Emilia Schools and Someday School. Reggio-Emilia Schools are project based. If a child is interested in a topic, the teacher will engage him and other interested children in a project to learn more about it. The idea is for children to learn to find answers for themselves, rather than just learning to remember answers and recite them back to the teacher. The environment is thought of as another teacher, and a lot of emphasis is put on teaching children to respect each other and their belongings.

When choosing a school for your child with ADHD, the most important thing is to think about your individual child and how he or she learns. Someday School is perfect for children with strong interests who love learning about new things using their own ideas. For those who live outside of the Vancouver, WA, area, a Montessori School or Reggio-Emilia School may be a great match. Children who do well in very calm and rigid environments may do best with a Waldorf School. Of course, every city and state has its own independent schools that may operate within their own philosophies, so parents should spend some time doing research to find the best ADHD school.

Parents looking for a gread ADHD school near Vancouver, WA, should contact Someday School to find out more!